Talent or Hard Work?

Some people say that without hard work, you can (not) achieve anything. On the other hand, some other people say that without talent, no matter how hard you work you can't succeed. I think that in order to succeed on something(ww.), you need both of(מיותר) talent and hard work, and you can't be the best if you don't have on of these(phr.).

If you have natural talent on something(ww.) and you know that you (verb?) really good at it, but you are not working(gr.) hard to improve your skills and abilities and you just depend on your talent to succeed, eventually, you will fall behind the one who working hard around the clock and keeps imporve himself(phr.) - This is a run-on sentence that needs to be divided at least in two.

Although(ww.), sometimes, talent is enough to succed in life. If a talented person combine(gr.) hard work as well, he will be alot more successful then(sp.) the only(ww.) who just working(gr.) hard but dont(gr.) have the natural talent and knowlege.- your are generalizing and repeating yourslef. You need to focus your writing, think of 2 seperate arguments and include examples.

To conclude, I think if you combine talent and hard work, you will be the most successful on that thing(ww.) becasue you will maximize you potentail, and(מיותר). (Start a new sentence) that (is) why I think both of talent and hard work are needed to succeed in life - that's for sure, but the question is which do you need the most.... Look at the writing task again.

(55)
Daphna

Post Reading - All My Sons (2)

Chris' diary: Coming back from the war.

Dear diary, 
I survived the biggest war that the world has known so far, and I am finally back home. Actually, I am the only one who made it. All my brothers from my squad are dead or missing, and I am the only one who got to live after the bloodbath. I feel that I have to be better now, and succeed in everything I do.

When I saw mother and father again, I cried like a little girl. I didn't see them for the last 3 years, and they didn't changed(gr.-change) at all. Father is still runing(gr.-running) the business and he will probably ask me to join him when I  look for a job. And mother, well..... I didn't even gets(gr.-get) home and she is(gr.+ww.- started) telling me that I need(gr.-needed) to get a wife and a solid job. I think she really needs to change her view on the world. I mean, life is more then getting a wife and a job. People were dying like flies in the war so people like my mother will(gr.-would) live. And then(מיותר) she talks with(ww.-to) me about getting a job.

I keep thinking about Ann. I wonder how she is getting along with Larry's death. She must be so sad and miserable. Mabye I shuold(sp.-should) send (her) a letter to her(מיותר), and see how she feels. Who knows, mabye(sp.-maybe) I can make her feel better.

Well, there is much more I would like to talk about, but I think that's enough for one day. I just came back and I (am) very tired. Until next time.
(Chris)

Good work. This is better but you still have quite a few grammar mistakes.
(82)
Daphna

All My Sons - Bridging

Aurthur Miller('s)  plays are often concerned with the individual response to the pressures exerted by family and society. Recuring themes of his major works include the importance of personal and social responsibility and the danger of moral corruption caused by materialism and greed.

This information below showed me, how each character in All my Sons represents the ideology of Arthur Miller through the play. For example, Chris is an ideologist, who tries to maintain his values during the play by taking part on(ww.-in) the war and not taking over his father's business. But the family and society try to convice him that his values are not worth (while) in the real world, and he shuold get married and take the business a long time ago(מיותר).

Second,  from the information I saw that Arthur Miller was rich when he was younger, but then is life changed during the Wall Street Crash of 1929.Arthur's father was similar to Joe. He also made a profit from the war effort (that is not correct). Like Joe, he probably felt guilty too(no!). With that following information, I understood that Aurthur Miller knew what Chris was giving up when he didnt take over the business, and made me understand the play better. He knew what every character in the play literally thinks, becasue he was familiar with the dilemas when he was younger.You should have added the relevance to Joe in the play. He is also a business man who owns a factory, like Miller's father was, who was afraid to lose it all and that is why he committed a crime. You should have shown the difference of points of view between Chris and his father regarding the major theme of personal and social reponsibility.

To conclude, that information makes me understand the play better, and also how close Arthur Miller and the charcters are. 

(80)
Daphna

Too Much For Us

79 alon street

holon

7/12/2013

(The Manager)
Money(ww.-Financial) department

KFC
(address)
Tel Aviv

Dear KFC Isreal(ww.),

I was in poland (a) few weeks ago, and i was quite hungry. I noticed a KFC (restaurant) so i sit(gr.) there, and enjoyed a great meal. When i came back from poland to here(מיותר), i wanted to ate(gr.) on(ww.) kfc again. I went to KFC in isreal and i was shock(gr.) by the prices, which made me really upset.

First, if you compare Isreal to other countries, you can find out(ww.) the the prices on the same meal is(gr.) very different. Isreal takes(ww.-charges) over 30% more money on the same meal, which is making(gr.) people not to eat(phr.) KFC but other fast food, and hurting(gr.) your business.

Second, you have a wrong idea about how KFC should function. Dont try to sell a few people with large prices(phr.), try to sell (to) as much people as possible with much lower prices. with that additude, we (will) all benefit from buying in KFC cause meanwhile,(ww.) a few people eat while there are many others who want but cant afford it.

To conclude, you should think again about how getting(gr.) your business running successfully, because many people getting(gr.) hurt by not eating their favorite food, and your company loses money, money that can be earn(gr.) if you just change your idea about how KFC should function.


(Sincerely yours;
David Lavie)

(75)
Daphna

Become more involed

Today, some students have a lot of free time. During theirs free time they can do anything they want. Still, even though they have alot of it, it looks like almost none of them intend to do something to help the community. How do we encourage them to become more involved in their community?

First, i(I) think schools need to explain that helping the community is something that the students need to wish for, and not something that they are forced to do. I think that students are not involved in the community because schools are forcing them to do so, and(מיותר) (Start a new sentence) when they see that as a duty, they dont want to waste their free time on assignments.

Second, i(I) think that helping  the community is not something that schools should force. It suppose(gr.-is supposed) to come from a diffrent side(ww.) like the municipilaty. Students dont like to obey for school(phr.) when it forces them to do something, but if the municipilaty ask(gr.) them to help the community they will not resist(ww.).

To conclude, i(I) think that the school is not the right organization to tell the students to help the community because they will disobey it. The school doesnt suppose(gr.-isn't supposed) to force the students to do something they dont want to do by froce,(Start a new sentence) and then(ww.) maybe the students will become more involved in their community.

Still a bit vague but better.
(77)
Daphna

Red-Handed

I remember that one time I got caught red-handed, and I would like to tell you how that happend. It was very embarrassing and I felt really bad. This feeling made me understand the consequences of my actions.

My parents went to a freinds's(sp.- friend's) wedding and they said they were come(gr.-coming) back at around 00:30, and they asked me to not(wo.-not to) invite any freinds. Of course I said ok. But I really wanted to invite friends that night becasue I had an empty house without parents and brothers,(Start a new sentence) so I invited a few freinds. and then of course, my parents came home early.

They saw me and my freinds playing poker with pizza in our mouths, and the house was very messy. My parents' faces looked sad and angry, while all my freinds left the house one by one and apologized to my parents. I felt so bad at that moment and I could really feel my parents' disappointment. I got a big punishment after that occasion.

To conclude, getting caught red-handed by your parents is the worse feeling that you can have. and(מיותר) (It is) only because of that feeling (That) I know I will never do this again. I recommend to anyone who read(gr.-reads) this, do not disobey your parents and get caught, it's the worse feeling ever.


This is much better. Good work.
(85)
Daphna

A letter to the Editor

27 Haportzim st.

holon

september 7, 2013

(The Editor)

"Aaretz" newspaper
Jerusalem

To the Editor,

Yesterday I was reading your article at(ww.) the newspaper about the meitzav tests and the explanations about their cancellation, and i have to say, as a student at(ww.) high school, that i totally agree with the explanations you gave in your article, and the meitzav tests should have been suspended long ago.

I don't know how the meitzav tests work in other schools, but in my school the meitzav tests serve a diffrent cause(ww.-purpose) that(ww) the meitzav was made for. The school use(gr.) the tests to show that it is the most successfull school around, and that most of the students should learn at(ww.) that school.

Second, the teachers wasted a lot of time to teach(gr.) the students harder only to achieve a good grade on the meitzav exam, only for the intrest of the school to look better. That made the learning at(ww.) meitzav time a lot harder and (more) exhausting.

To conclude, the meizav tests are suppose(d)  to serve a cause(ww.) and the schools are turning it into a competition between them. I am glad you published your article in the newspaper so everybody can understand how unnecessary the tests was(gr.) for the students.


Sincerely yours.
Ben Stark.
Much better. Well done.
(88)
Daphna