Red-Handed

I remember that one time I got caught red-handed, and I would like to tell you how that happend. It was very embarrassing and I felt really bad. This feeling made me understand the consequences of my actions.

My parents went to a freinds's(sp.- friend's) wedding and they said they were come(gr.-coming) back at around 00:30, and they asked me to not(wo.-not to) invite any freinds. Of course I said ok. But I really wanted to invite friends that night becasue I had an empty house without parents and brothers,(Start a new sentence) so I invited a few freinds. and then of course, my parents came home early.

They saw me and my freinds playing poker with pizza in our mouths, and the house was very messy. My parents' faces looked sad and angry, while all my freinds left the house one by one and apologized to my parents. I felt so bad at that moment and I could really feel my parents' disappointment. I got a big punishment after that occasion.

To conclude, getting caught red-handed by your parents is the worse feeling that you can have. and(מיותר) (It is) only because of that feeling (That) I know I will never do this again. I recommend to anyone who read(gr.-reads) this, do not disobey your parents and get caught, it's the worse feeling ever.


This is much better. Good work.
(85)
Daphna

A letter to the Editor

27 Haportzim st.

holon

september 7, 2013

(The Editor)

"Aaretz" newspaper
Jerusalem

To the Editor,

Yesterday I was reading your article at(ww.) the newspaper about the meitzav tests and the explanations about their cancellation, and i have to say, as a student at(ww.) high school, that i totally agree with the explanations you gave in your article, and the meitzav tests should have been suspended long ago.

I don't know how the meitzav tests work in other schools, but in my school the meitzav tests serve a diffrent cause(ww.-purpose) that(ww) the meitzav was made for. The school use(gr.) the tests to show that it is the most successfull school around, and that most of the students should learn at(ww.) that school.

Second, the teachers wasted a lot of time to teach(gr.) the students harder only to achieve a good grade on the meitzav exam, only for the intrest of the school to look better. That made the learning at(ww.) meitzav time a lot harder and (more) exhausting.

To conclude, the meizav tests are suppose(d)  to serve a cause(ww.) and the schools are turning it into a competition between them. I am glad you published your article in the newspaper so everybody can understand how unnecessary the tests was(gr.) for the students.


Sincerely yours.
Ben Stark.
Much better. Well done.
(88)
Daphna

A Summer's Reading - Post Reading

01/05/2013
To: Mr. Cattanzara

Where is your writing????

As I Grew Older - Bridging Text And Context

Langston Hughes was an African-American writer and poet. In his poetry, Hughes try(gr.) to describe the experiences, emotions and voices of the black people during the slavery time(no!). Hughes was leading a movement that call(ww.-called) the Harlem Renaissance. Its members believed that through art, liteature and music, Africans Americans could challenge recial(sp.) stereotypes and bring about racial equality and integration.

That information below cause(ww.+gr.) me to understand alot of things about the poem. First, I understood what the poet's dream is. According to the information below, the poet was decisive to be free and get a better life for him and his people, which perfectly match(gr.) the poet dream. When he was a kid he was dreaming about (a) good life. As he grew up he understand that his people wont be able to get the life they wanted. When he grew up even more he was decisive to free his people from slavery(ww.), just like the information below teach(ww.+gr.) us.

Second, i understood why the poem wrote for(gr.-use the passive). The Harlem Renaissance intend(gr.-use the past) to fight stereotypes with art, poetry and music. That poem was made to show the black people's dreams and thoughts about their slavery(ww.) and poor and miserable life(gr.-lives). That poem shows us that the black people got the will to fight for what they intend to achieve, freedom.

To conclude, The information below helped me to understood alot for difficultys(sp.) that i couldnt understood(gr.) beofre, like what was the poet('s) dream or what was the reason that the poem wrote for(gr.). Additionaly, I understood how much the black people were suffering, and how much they sacrifice(gr.) for freedom.

Not bad.
(75)
Daphna

A SUMMER'S READING - BRIDING TEXT AND CONTEXT

Bernaed Malamud was an american writer who wrote about oridinary people, trying to attain the american middle-class dream. His characters are often awkward and isolated from society. That information help(gr.) me to(מ יותר) understand some specific things about the story that i didnt understand before.

First, I didn't understand why the main character on(ww.) the story is someone like George. He is lazy, dont(gr.) have an education, work, money, he is very poor and he dont(gr.) have many friends, (new sentence) so he is(gr.) not fit to be the main hero on(ww.) the story(why is that??). But that information below tought(ww.) me that this is the personal writting style of the writer, and that (is) why he took George as the main hero of the story- it is not clear what you mean in this paragraph.

In addition, the information below help(gr.) to(מיותר) understand what push(gr.) George to get an education and read 100 books during the summer vaction. George wanted to achieve the american middle-class dream, which is to get (a) better life, (a) better job, (a) family, (and a) better house.

To conclude, the information below help(gr.) to to(מיותר) understand alot of different things that i not(gr.) understood before, like why the writer chose Geroge as main hero(ww.) of the story or what push(gr.( George to get a better education.

Not bad.
(70)
Daphna

Introduction Of Poetry – Bridging Text And Context

Billy Collins is an american poet. On(ww.) 2001, Collins started a program called "poetry 180", and collins explained that he want(gr.) high school students to hear a poem every day, so that the poem will(gr.) be a feature of daily life and not something that is just taught.

From(מיותר) the information above helps me to(מיותר) understand what was Collins' target when he created "poetry 180". He wanted to help the students to conncet to the poem and make them hear the(מיותר) poem(s) every day, so they will(gr.) discuss about the poem and not just learn it like most people do(phr.-what does that mean exactly?).

In addtion, collins wanted to change the way that poetry taught(gr.-use the passive properly). he wanted to discourage(ww.) the teachers to bring the poem to the calssroom, so the students will hear the poem on the(ww.) school and try to anylsis(ww.) the poem by themself(gr.-themselves).

To conclude, collins wanted to change the way poetry taught(gr.) by creating the program "poetry 180", and wanted the students to appriciate and love poetry and make poetry a feature of (their) daily life.

Nice
(75)
Daphna

Introduction Of Poetry – Post Reading

According to the poem, there are two ways to learn a poem, and it’s meaning. One way is the slow way, and according to the poem, the better way. The other way, is the fast way,(in) which you don’t really over extended to understanding(phr.+gr.) the poem meaning.

Personally, I like the slow way, (in) which you really “connect” to the poem, reads(gr.) it a few times to understand the poem('s) meaning by you(ww.- on your) own, without any help. In this way, you can improve your skills by sitting and understand(ww.+gr.) the poem, and then this ability will help you understand other poems in the future.(Give an example of a skill you develop this way)

The problem on(ww.) the slow way, is that you analyze the poem by yourself, (Start a new sentence) from your point of view, you(ww.-your) analyze(ww.-analysis) is right, but technically you analyze(ww.) might be wrong, and no one will be there to tell you that your(ww.) have been mistaken.

To conclude, from my point of view, the slow way is better than the fast way, but the slow way have(gr.) disadvantages that make the poem analyze(wo.+ww.) harder and you have to consider the fact that you might (be) wrong.
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Not bad. But still needs work. The point is not just reading poems slowly or quickly, it is all about experiencing them through your senses and feelings, making it more fun to learn poetry.
(70)
Daphna